Post by JAMIE DANIEL VALENTINE on Jul 25, 2012 9:21:03 GMT -6
"Falling is just like flying, except there's a more... permanent destination."
Don't ask me what I'm doing standing on the ledge of the bridge, because truthfully I don't know myself. I don't remember how I got there, I don't remember getting up or getting dressed. It was like I wasn't in control of my body, it was like I was floating out of it but I couldn't think straight. My mind was muddled, it felt like there was a fog, a blanket so thick around my shoulders that it was pulling me down to the floor and I knew that if I fell to the floor now I'd never get back up again. My training forbid that, I had to get back up. I had to carry on. I hadn't lost my life in the crash, I hadn't lost my motor skills. I'd lost everything though, my training, my job, my child. Then I lost Scarlet, I thought I'd lost Scarlet. I didn't know, I grieved, I prayed and hoped against hope that she was alive.
She was the only thing right now that I had to live for, but I suppose I was being selfish. Standing on the bridge railings staring down at the water as it whirled around the concrete pillars holding said bridge upright. When I first moved to Oregon I was an uncaring little bastard working as security at a club, I had no friends, I didn't need them. Then I met Sam, ah, Sam was like a breath of fresh air for me. I met him in school, lying about my age to get back into education. I met him there and we trained together. Gym, track, anything really but boxing the most. Fighting. We did train together in that and things for me got so much better, life was perfect. I got a chocolate lab, I named her Kimbra. She's big now, fully grown. She goes everywhere with me but she's not here... Wait, yes she is. She's sitting on the floor rather than standing on the railings with me. See, my dogs not stupid, she knows that sometimes her master does stupid things and she won't do them with me.
Don't ask me what gave me the inclination to step off the edge. But I did. I stepped off and felt the ground just give way beneath me, the shock forced my body to freeze and curl in on itself on instinct. I didn't so much as smoothly dive into the water, I hit it full on curled into a ball and I'd be lying if I said the water didn't knock the wind out of me for a second or so but the fall itself sent me so far under the water the sky was already beginning to blacken and the edges of my vision started to bleed black not long later and it wasn't for a moment that it realized I'd not took a breath in when I'd jumped, if anything I was just going to pass out because of lack of oxygen even though I was nowhere close enough to the surface to make it up.
When I came too I wasn't sitting on a white cloud. No. I was wet. I was cold. And I was being sat on... By a large chocolate brown dog. To bodily ache came next, cold to the bone with my face being constantly licked over and ovr and over again in order to wake me up. Well. It did wake me up and it did make me realize my mistake. Shoving Kimbra off me quick enough to roll over and choke up the rest of the water blocking my airways and breathed deep. Once I was back on my back again she came and simply lay next to me. It was then I noticed she was wet too, silently turning and looked at her. "Did you come in after me? Did you save me?" I had no idea, but why else would she be wet and with me when I could no longer see the bridge I'd jumped off? I let my head drop back and shook it, stroking a hand down her muzzle. "Good girl. Good girl..."
She put everything back into perspective for me, oh so much. It took me a while - a long fucking while - before I silently pushed myself upright and started walking. My sense of direction was shot. So simply following the river against the flow was the most logical thing to do. I slipped, stumbled and fell around but Kimbra was never far from me. It was only on the city limits did I know where I was. It was perhaps the most heart wrenching feeling in my life. Had my dog not pulled me out, I would have died. I would have left Scarlet behind and -looking back at it- I realized what a perfect dick move that would have been. These days I'm getting better, slowly. Withdrawal is a bitch but I'm getting over it. Every day is a day ahead right? A day back on my clock that I can do and spend it with who else I wanted. I know one thing though that I'm absolutely sure about.I want to live.
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muse; In a house, in a heartbeat - time - requiem for a dream - united 93
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.![/center]
