Post by SEBASTIAN VALENTINE on Sept 15, 2012 9:58:21 GMT -6
SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME
Have you ever spared a thought as to what happens when a person dies? When the soul leaves the body where does it go? I know that's the wrong kind of mentality for a man like me to have, but when you've seen and done so much that you wake up soaked to your waist in blood, it tends to change your outlook on life. I've come far too close to death to not think about what would happen if I were to die tomorrow.
Let's break it down.
Lyla, first and foremost, Lyla. I've put her through so much shit and I know I have. That girl has bled for me, almost died for me and all I can offer her in response is love and as much protection as I can try and give to her. We have our differences. Look at us. She's a painter and I'm a god damn killer... I might as well provide the red that she paints with. Lyla never asks questions, she never pushes to know what I do when I go out and... work. I realize now how unfair I've been on her, how unfair I've been on everyone.
Sam, Lela, Jonathan. My friend, my sister, and my brother in law. I train Sam, I show him the ropes, teach him how to live but not even he knows about the torture room down the stairs in the back of my office. In his eyes I can probably do no wrong, and although I'm in no hurry to test that theory, I'd rather it be tested eventually than have him live in blissful ignorance. Lela... Oh my sweet little Lela. Older than me, yes, but still I act more as her older brother than her younger. But then again I have always protected her, and I will continue to do so, even if it ends up costing lives. I've so much blood on my hands, what's one more? Jonathan, well, he's a good guy. I can't fault him. After all the shit that went down when Lela went missing I know now how much both of them need the other. It's like a jigsaw really, and they fit together beautifully. Hell, I loved the road trip to Vegas for the wedding. Ah she had no idea what was coming.
See when a man like me dies, we don't get the choice whether to stay or go up, no, we automatically get sent down because I've shed blood. Weak, strong, young, innocent... Pregnant. Oh god that still haunts me. I know now that I have no chance at redemption and truthfully I don't deserve one because of the amount of people I have butchered to an unrecognizable state. I won't give you the gory details, you don't need them. I've disarmed nuclear bombs, ships carrying weapons hot enough to wage biochemical war. I've jumped out of planes, helicopters, I've chased a man a mile just to get the information I need, flirted, pushed, smooth talked my way into black tie venues in a pair of jeans. It's amazing what charisma and money can do when faced with a man smaller than you with broad shoulders.
I'm not proud of the families I've destroyed, the throats cut and the blood shed. Truthfully if I'd known fully what I was getting into as a young man I'd have laughed and given the old man behind the desk wearing all his medals the middle finger and a big FUCK YOU. But now I'm in too deep and I've lost my touch, my grip on reality. I can't walk down the street, not like a normal person. I can't get a handle on family relationships, I don't know HOW to be a family man even though I'm trying, oh god I'm really trying. I want a family, I want children of my own and I want to prove that I'm a better man than my father ever was because, to be honest, my father was shit at raising his children. He pushed us all into violent pathways. Then again, he wasn't all to blame... It was Russia, the capital in the world for mafia related crime and corrupt governments. God knows I met enough corrupt officials in my time. Lela was engaged to marry one. Fuck. That. Shit. Jamie and I soon saw to it that he moved away before the date of the wedding got anywhere close.
You do not fuck with a Valentine.
You do not fuck with a killer.
You do not fuck with me.
TAGGED ! Sebastian, Lyla, Lela, Jonathan, Sam, Jamie
WORDS ! Eh
OUTFIT ! CLICK
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! Bloody pic ftw!
